Stallion Cornell
11-26-2007, 02:00 AM
Razor isn’t very good.
Actually, that’s both too kind and too harsh. It’s fine for what it is, I guess, but what it is is completely and utterly pointless. It’s a convoluted, sloppy mess that does next to nothing to further the GINO storyline. Instead, it fills in gaps that were never there to begin with. We already knew Cainette was a tyrannical psychopath, but now we get to see more evidence of it firsthand. Imagine having heard about your cousin’s bout with severe diarrhea, only to have the cousin show up on your doorstep with a multimedia presentation chronicling their bowel’s greatest dumps. That’s the Razor good time spirit!
In the execrable Pegasus episodes, we heard tell of Cainette plundering civilian ships and shooting insubordinate officers in the head at point-blank range. Well, in Razor, we actually get to see it happen! Isn’t that what we were all clamoring for? What a gift for Galactica fans everywhere! It’s like Christmas in November, except this time, Santa comes down the chimney, sneaks into your bedroom, and hits you over the head with a crescent wrench.
Cainette, if it were possible, becomes even more of a reprehensible character than she was before. We learn that not only is she a tyrant, a sadist, and a murderer, she’s a hyprocrite and an imbecile besides. She represents the worst of all MoveOn.org military stereotypes, yet she also wastes her resources attacking useless military targets and dates subordinates, most of whom are hot lesbians. It’s probably just another great bond being forged between GINO and the original series. I know that whenever I think of Lloyd Bridges, I think of hot lesbians.
The redundant Cain flashbacks are coupled with a new story chronicling Lee Adama’s first days as Pegasus Commander and his uneasy relationship with his lovely, female, sociopathic XO, a younger Cainette clone without the unsightly mole. She made me wonder yet again why Ron Moore only allows his male characters to be feminine.
Amid all this is a group of TOS Cylons guarding some pruny geezer who mumbles in a bathtub. (On the bright side, Mr. Pruny doesn’t like Katee Sackhoff. Consequently, he comes off as the most sympathetic character in the whole piece.) At one point, we get twelve seconds of original series centurions sitting in a Raider cockpit and saying “By your command.” This is what’s supposed to bring the TOS fans back to the non-popcorn side of the aisle? If you want to get our attention, maybe you should put the centurions in red cocktail dresses. Otherwise, how do we know the centurions aren’t lesbians? Huh? By your command, indeed!
I’m not too surprised. To expect coherent, linear plot development from GINO at this point is to be forever disappointed. For crying out loud, we still don’t know why the Cylons were attacking every 33 minutes in the first episode of season 1! Maybe that will be revealed in the next direct-to-DVD watertreading that will pick up where Razor left off. No, scratch that. Razor doesn’t leave off anywhere. It’s two hours of GINO on a treadmill that leaves you back where you started, except now Santa’s embedded a crescent wrench in your skull – and it’s a lesbian crescent wrench, besides!
Actually, that’s both too kind and too harsh. It’s fine for what it is, I guess, but what it is is completely and utterly pointless. It’s a convoluted, sloppy mess that does next to nothing to further the GINO storyline. Instead, it fills in gaps that were never there to begin with. We already knew Cainette was a tyrannical psychopath, but now we get to see more evidence of it firsthand. Imagine having heard about your cousin’s bout with severe diarrhea, only to have the cousin show up on your doorstep with a multimedia presentation chronicling their bowel’s greatest dumps. That’s the Razor good time spirit!
In the execrable Pegasus episodes, we heard tell of Cainette plundering civilian ships and shooting insubordinate officers in the head at point-blank range. Well, in Razor, we actually get to see it happen! Isn’t that what we were all clamoring for? What a gift for Galactica fans everywhere! It’s like Christmas in November, except this time, Santa comes down the chimney, sneaks into your bedroom, and hits you over the head with a crescent wrench.
Cainette, if it were possible, becomes even more of a reprehensible character than she was before. We learn that not only is she a tyrant, a sadist, and a murderer, she’s a hyprocrite and an imbecile besides. She represents the worst of all MoveOn.org military stereotypes, yet she also wastes her resources attacking useless military targets and dates subordinates, most of whom are hot lesbians. It’s probably just another great bond being forged between GINO and the original series. I know that whenever I think of Lloyd Bridges, I think of hot lesbians.
The redundant Cain flashbacks are coupled with a new story chronicling Lee Adama’s first days as Pegasus Commander and his uneasy relationship with his lovely, female, sociopathic XO, a younger Cainette clone without the unsightly mole. She made me wonder yet again why Ron Moore only allows his male characters to be feminine.
Amid all this is a group of TOS Cylons guarding some pruny geezer who mumbles in a bathtub. (On the bright side, Mr. Pruny doesn’t like Katee Sackhoff. Consequently, he comes off as the most sympathetic character in the whole piece.) At one point, we get twelve seconds of original series centurions sitting in a Raider cockpit and saying “By your command.” This is what’s supposed to bring the TOS fans back to the non-popcorn side of the aisle? If you want to get our attention, maybe you should put the centurions in red cocktail dresses. Otherwise, how do we know the centurions aren’t lesbians? Huh? By your command, indeed!
I’m not too surprised. To expect coherent, linear plot development from GINO at this point is to be forever disappointed. For crying out loud, we still don’t know why the Cylons were attacking every 33 minutes in the first episode of season 1! Maybe that will be revealed in the next direct-to-DVD watertreading that will pick up where Razor left off. No, scratch that. Razor doesn’t leave off anywhere. It’s two hours of GINO on a treadmill that leaves you back where you started, except now Santa’s embedded a crescent wrench in your skull – and it’s a lesbian crescent wrench, besides!